Relearning Sex - Top To Bottom

Illustration of two men lying in bed in a spooning position. They are naked and have body hair covering their chest and legs.
Written by Jason Clymo
Illustration by Jessica Oddi

Hey XES lovers,

Jason Clymo back with another dose of disabled sexy energy! This week I thought I’d talk about something that is often confused when it comes to my personal experience of sex... Which is that a lot of people assume I can’t have/enjoy it. OR, that when I say that I can - people assume it must be the same as when I was non-disabled (CONTEXT: I have an acquired impairment).

 

Neither of these are true. For people who acquire impairments, sex is often something that is ‘re-learnt’. This just means we need to discover how our bodies have changed, and learn how to experience pleasure in new ways. It’s about understanding what things may not be sexual for us anymore, and what things have become sexual that may not have been before. To put it simply, it just means that sex is different. That’s not necessarily bad though...

 

Sex is definitely different for me now VS when I was non-disabled - but it’s amazing. My penis doesn’t function typically anymore, which means (to use some gay slang) I’ve gone from a top-vers to a total bottom. It definitely took some time to work it all out, but the sex I have now is fucking fantastic. I now enjoy anal and prostate stimulation - whereas I could never really relax enough before to enjoy bottoming. Honestly, the sex I have now is better than when I was non-disabled - mostly due to prostate orgasms.​ I’ll keep it real and say that I sometimes miss topping. But if it was a trade between the two, I’d easily pick my current sex life.

 

So, if this is new territory for you - you’re possibly thinking, “Okay, that’s great. But I’ve never had sex with a person with disability. What if I don’t like it, or they don’t like it? If your body isn’t typical, how will I know what to do?”

 

My response to this is that everyone needs to communicate way better when it comes to sexy times. We’re all different and all enjoy things differently. Different positions, locations, emotions and sensations. Some people love toys, some people don’t. Rough, soft, fast, slow. Hot, cold, group, solo. Whatever it is that you enjoy, you should be communicating that to the person/people you’re having sex or being intimate with. It’s something we all need to get better at doing. Because chances are the person you’re getting it on with, also wants you to be having the best time ever. So just tell them what buttons to press. Great sex definitely outweighs awkward conversations.

 

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Jason Clymo is a 25-year-old queer, white man with disability. He is a model and activist who is incredibly passionate about the representation of people with disability in mainstream media. Jason is also the co-director of J2 Content Creation.

Jessica Oddi (@oddi.jessica) is a disabled graphic designer in Canada with versatility to spare. She is particularly interested in collaborations involving much needed representation, inclusivity and empowerment.

 

 

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Comments

Misha — October 22 2020

🙌🏽💗

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